Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
