i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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