i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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