i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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