why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize