So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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