Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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