So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
