....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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