I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Porn is love you can see.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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