ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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