In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
