we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
