my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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