What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
