worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
