Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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