I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
