did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do vagina's smell?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
