Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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