We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
