You work out of a Hotel?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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