she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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