part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
