He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
