I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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