Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
