he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
