HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize