Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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