this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
