he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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