now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
