and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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