before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
