I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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