that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
