i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can I color on your dick again?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
