did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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