I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
