Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
