I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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