We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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