OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
