It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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