I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
