you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I supernannyed him into submission
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
