Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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