dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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