Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
