You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
