she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
