you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you inspire me to be a worse person
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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