I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
wow bdsm is so cute
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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