I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
