i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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