does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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