all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize